Knowing When to Find Care for Your Loved Ones

How to Know When an Aging Parent Needs Care

Caring for an aging parent or relative can feel like walking a tightrope. You want to respect their independence, but waiting too long to find help can turn a concern into a crisis.

Most families delay the decision until after a fall, a hospital stay, or a sudden, sharp decline. But the best time to start planning for care is before you urgently need it.

The question isn't if your loved one might need help—it's when, and what small signs can guide you to act at the right moment.

Why Planning Care Early Matters

In the UK, there are nearly 12 million people aged 65 and over. Around 5.7 million people are acting as unpaid carers for relatives, often while juggling work and their own families.

Waiting for an emergency—like a fall or a serious illness—removes your options. You are forced to make high-stress, rushed decisions.

Planning early gives you and your loved one time to discuss what they want, compare care types, check costs, and find a carer they can genuinely connect with.

The Problem with Waiting for a Crisis

Small health issues can quietly worsen until they become a major incident.
Recovery from a fall or hospital stay becomes much harder without proper support in place.
Families end up in crisis mode, forced to accept the first available care option, not the best one.
Emotional burnout builds for you, and your loved one may feel like a burden.

The 3 Main Categories of Signs to Look For

The signs are often subtle at first. They fall into three main groups.

1. Changes in Physical and Daily Living

Look for new struggles with what experts call Activities of Daily Living (ADLs).

Frequent falls or new bruises: Have they had a few stumbles? Are they holding onto furniture to move around?
Struggles with bathing, dressing, or hygiene: You may notice poor personal hygiene, wearing the same clothes, or a strong smell of urine in the house.
Noticeable weight loss or poor nutrition: Check the fridge. Is it empty or full of expired food? Are they skipping meals or struggling to cook?
An unsafe or messy home: Is the house significantly more cluttered than usual? Are bills piling up unopened? This can be a sign they are overwhelmed.

2. Shifts in Memory, Mood, and Behaviour

Cognitive and emotional changes are just as important as physical ones.

Missed medications or forgetting appointments: Are you finding full pillboxes at the end of the week?
Increased confusion or repetition: Are they asking the same questions repeatedly or getting lost in familiar places?
Withdrawal, irritability, or low mood: Apathy, social withdrawal, and a loss of interest in hobbies are common red flags.
Poor judgment: This can include falling for scams, giving away money, or making unsafe decisions (like wandering off or driving unsafely).

3. Signs of Caregiver Fatigue (In You)

Your health matters, too. If you are the primary family carer, your wellbeing is a key part of your loved one's support system. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

Signs of caregiver burnout include:

Feeling constantly overwhelmed, anxious, or irritable.
Losing sleep or developing new health problems of your own.
Feeling resentful or frustrated with your loved one.
Skipping work or missing out on your own family commitments.

If you are feeling this way, it is a clear sign that you need more support. It is not a failure—it is an indication that the level of care required has become too much for one person.

How to Talk to Your Parent About Getting Help

This is often the hardest step. The conversation can be met with fear, anger, or denial.

Focus on their goals: Frame it as a way to keep them independent, safe, and in their own home for as long as possible.
- Instead of: "You can't manage on your own anymore."
- Try: "I want to make sure you can stay in this house safely. I was thinking we could get someone to help with [the shopping/cleaning] so you don't have to worry about it."
Listen more than you talk: Ask them what they are struggling with. What are they worried about? They may be just as scared as you are.
Use a professional as a buffer: A GP, geriatric care manager, or a district nurse can provide a professional assessment. It's often easier for a parent to hear "The doctor recommends..." than "My son/daughter thinks..."

What Are the Main Types of Care?

Understanding your options is the first step to feeling in control.

In-Home (Domiciliary) Care: A professional carer visits your loved one's home for a set number of hours (from 30 minutes a day to several hours) to help with meals, medication, companionship, and personal care. This is the most popular choice for maintaining independence.
Live-in Care: A carer lives in the home 24/7, providing constant support and companionship. This is an excellent alternative to a care home for those with more complex needs.
Assisted Living / Care Home: This involves moving to a residential facility with 24/7 staff, meals, and social activities. This is often the best choice for those with advanced dementia or significant medical needs.
Respite Care: This is short-term care (from a few days to a few weeks) designed to give the family carer a much-needed break.

How Match With Grace Helps

Finding the right care shouldn't feel like a second job. At Match With Grace, we know how overwhelming this decision is, and we make the process simple and respectful.

We help families:

Find trusted, DBS-checked carers in your local area.
Understand your options with clear, jargon-free guidance.
Create a smooth, respectful transition into care.
Reduce the stress and uncertainty of making this big decision.

You get clarity, confidence, and peace of mind—when it matters most.

Your Next Steps

You don't have to have all the answers right now. But if you are noticing several of these signs, it's time to start the conversation.

Start a gentle conversation with your loved one about what you've noticed.
Schedule a visit with their GP to discuss your concerns and get a professional opinion.
Explore your options. Contact us for a free, no-obligation chat about what home care could look like for your family.

Acting early protects your loved one’s safety, preserves their dignity, and protects your own wellbeing.

Frequently Asked Questions About Starting Care

What is the difference between home care and a care home?

Home care (or domiciliary care) is when a carer comes to your loved one's own home to help them. A care home (or assisted living) is a residential facility that your loved one moves into permanently. Home care is focused on maintaining independence at home, while a care home provides 24/7 on-site medical and social support.

How much does home care cost in the UK?

The cost of home care varies depending on where you live and the level of support needed. On average, home care in the UK can range from £25 to £35 per hour. Many families start with just a few hours a week.

How do I know if a carer is trustworthy?

All carers on the Match With Grace platform are DBS-checked (Disclosure and Barring Service), fully reference-checked, and interviewed by our team. We prioritise finding carers who are not only qualified but also compassionate and reliable.